Blog day 7 +5 of 28 – made it and now what?
Dear fellow captives,
Made it to day 7. One quarter of the way there. A time for celebration of course. But my expected backslapping reward for getting this far sane, still married and liking my children has not been the high I expected. Must have celebrated too early. Or perhaps it is facing the inevitable horror that I have looming today. Zoom meeting with a client who does not deserve (or no doubt wish) to see me in my current state. Arrrghh makeup and hair has to be attended to desperately and it will be no easy feat to make me presentable on camera. But I am also going to go full news presenter on it and only dress appropriately from the waist up. Must remember not to stand up in zoom meeting to go and get stationery etc.
My associated worries. Will I be the power woman with valuable advice I liked to think I used to be despite the imposter syndrome biting at my heels and confidence? Can I say anything helpful (clearly not in this blog but in my zoom meeting)? Can I be articulate any more? Pragmatic? Show sound judgement? Who knows? But I will find out shortly.
Ah, sod it, I am just going to have to get on with it, tidy myself up and trust that I will say something helpful.
Dear Aunty Otter
Well its happened. Surprisingly, unexpectedly and worryingly, I have been approached by my one reader for advice. Before I delve into this new low of my blog, its necessary for me to record that my advice will be worthless, trite rubbish and potentially harmful. Just let that sink in first.
Nevertheless you, dear reader, asked “is it okay to shout at my husband”. By the sounds of it I think, dear reader, you meant “is it okay for me to scream at my husband”. Weeeelll I can never advise doing so if its avoidable. Stress is pretty bad in these times though so its understandable that tensions will run high and my house is no exception. If (and frankly when) we do get to the regrettable shouting/screaming point, we must forgive ourselves and each other, recognize the stress we are under, own it and then move on from it. Besides they can’t leave us right? They are stuck with us for another 3 weeks!
Just as a reality check though, I offer the above advice as a deficient wife who will yell (yes, scream) at my husband, be petty, immature, grumpy and sulky. Such attractive qualities. So let’s get real and accept we are far from perfect and in our far from perfect state under stress, anxiety and captivity our behaviour will not improve. I don’t condone the poor behaviour or give you a get out of jail free card for losing it. I just say that if you do, apologise, be kind to partner and yourself. That is what we would want them to do if they yell.
My own reflection – priorities
The one good thing about lockdown is that we get a chance to think about what is really important to us. What we enjoy the most and is the most fulfilling. Although I asked teenager no 1 this morning what he would want to do first after lockdown, and he said “uhhdunno” (note it is all one word in teenage vocabulary), I do think that looking forward it is not the cafes, restaurants, movies or shops I miss at all. It is the people. He tangata, he tangata, he tangata.
Having dinner with friends (at home – not out as that would defeat me not missing restaurants) is what I would want back first. So, in terms of priorities, I can forgo almost all material things as long as I have that social contact. I hope I never forget that lesson and I hope that learning it so vividly makes me spend more time with and helping others. More community minded.
Kia kaha, my lovelies, and adieu. Stay safe and remember, being okay is good enough, and helping others is better!